5 years later
April 11th 2023 marks the five-year anniversary of when I learned I had breast cancer. It also marked the beginning of an amazing journey into my innermost being, one that continues on to this day. One I wish to share with you.
That morning, as I was riding my bike to work, everything became pixelized before my eyes. It didn’t last long, but it was striking, especially as it was similar to what a Ted Talk video I had just seen on Jill Bolte Taylor, who described her own pixelization as she was experiencing an NDE. And while her surroundings started to blend seamlessly with her limbs, blurring the lines between the terrestrial finite and the cosmic infinite, my vision was just a teaser that lasted a second. It was, however, just before my appointment at the women’s health center- could this be a premonition? Nope, I was nowhere near an NDE, so even the cold, clinical pronouncement of my cancer diagnosis didn’t not sink in like a death sentence. Nor was I going to let it deter me from staying on my path to healing and self discovery. But first I had to get over the initial shock.
I was in a stupor for the the first two days after getting the news. It was like a scene from a soap opera: I was escorted to a small room with a red velvet settee that was put there just for moments like this. It would have been laughable if I hadn’t let the demons of fear get a hold of me. After all, we hear more of the horrors of cancer and little about the miracles. Whether out of ignorance or pride, the corps of medical professionals who diagnosed and treated me never made me privy to those miracles- surely they could share something uplifting, right? They did little to empower me with actionable information, and empowerment was what I was craving. I needed to get a grip on my life; I wanted to be an actor in my own healing.
The first person to get me back on track was my cousin, Stéphanie, a life coach who embraces the teachings of Dr Joe Dispenza and has crafted her own unique form of guided meditation that has enabled many people to make extraordinary changes to their lives. While I had been meditating on and off with her for a few years at the time of my diagnosis, it was time to ramp up things a bit. I started doing 20 minutes of guided meditation every day, and not only did it help me quickly get out of my personal pity party, but it became a sort of magic wand for literally everything. Meditation helped me sail smoothly through surgery and the radiation treatments; it gave me job offers, new friends and a wicked tennis game. Little miracles continue to happen to this day. I have to thank cancer for getting me on the miracle mile.
It was then time to focus on the body. It’s amazing what little I knew, but I was an eager learner. My other cousin, Leslie, gave me some basic nutrition advice that none of my specialists offered. It should be common knowledge that sugar (and carbs) feed cancer, yet I was not instructed to cut that out. Later I learned that doctors receive almost no instruction on nutrition in all those grueling years of Med school. My cousin went on to tell me to avoid dairy and focus on a plant-based diet. It was surprisingly easy for me to switch, and my glowing skin and a svelter silhouette further motivated me. People were coming up to me, saying, “Wow! You look great! What are you doing?” I’d slyly say, “Uh, I made a couple of changes to my lifestyle,” telling them about my new diet and daily guided meditation. There was no need to throw cancer shade at the conversation. I was simply getting healthier.
We can complain about social media, but it was there that I started learning about the amazing parallel universe of healing options for cancer and other pathologies. One of those videos that popped up in my Facebook feed was on juicing cannabis. The young woman in the video was bloated, listless, and given little hope for a normal life. Just through juicing cannabis, she managed to cut her meds and restore her health in short order. What grabbed my attention was a two-second image of Luxembourg that flashed on the screen towards the end of the video- what did that have to do with this woman in Northern California? I hit the rewind button and was amazed to find out there was a naturopath an hour away who was also juicing! So I Googled him. It took me a while to get past the dozens of disuasive “quack” and “snake oil salesman” entries to find his number, but I eventually located it. Much to my delight, he was available to see me. This marked the beginning of my awakening.
In a single hour-long appointment with a man whose French was limited and English nonexistent, I learned about how I was hurting my precious immune system through my mercury-leaking amalgam fillings, through my bra cutting off the detoxing functions of my lymphatic system, and through the lack of proper oxygenation of the bloodstream due to acidity. Nowadays, I drink Xelliss akaline water (or take baking soda) and I go braless as much as possible. I also went through the costly, long procedure of getting my filings taken out by a holistic dentist. (Btw- the much-touted socialized health care system in France doesn’t cover this sort of procedure).
Another thing that the Luxembourgish naturopath told me to do was intermittent fasting. I said, “What?!? Skip breakfast?” But I did, and in doing so, I allowed my cells to detox and regenerate. Since then, I have gone from 16-hour daily fasts to longer fasts of a week or more.
One last thing the naturopath suggested was colon hydrotherapy, a sort of stepped-up enema. I was lucky to find another naturopath nearby who was a specialist in colonics. The idea of someone flushing out your fecal matter may be a bit cringe-worthy, but you come out of the session liberated from the inside out. I felt lighter than air. It’s crazy to see how much digested food is fermenting away in your gut, sapping your energy and keeping your body and mind from performing their best. I loved my cleansing so much, I offered one to my husband!
Other things were added to my health arsenal during those four months: juicing, essential oils (Frankincense, Dunaliella and St John’s Wort), energy healing, apricot kernels, Brazil nuts, biofeedback analyses, vitamin supplementation, phyocyanine, forest grounding and so much more. Many of these things have stayed on in my daily regimen. More will certainly be added while others will be dropped. In fact, I found out there are a gazillion different ways to prevent, cure and keep cancer at bay, with as many tesimonials to show they’re effective.
Indeed, information is a blessing. I’m grateful to Ty and Charlene Bollinger, whose opus, The Truth About Cancer, opened my eyes to the Medical Industrial Complex and how people can fully recover by looking beyond conventional medicine’s cancer treatment trinity of cut, burn and poison. I’m grateful for all these cancer survivors as they provided empirical evidence that non-invasive, natural treatments work. This is empowering.
Information can also be a curse. Ever since I signed up for the free screening of this docu-series, I have been bombarded with information from their partners, often the very people I took notes on during the docu-series. In addition to offering nuggets of valuable advice, these people sell supplements, EMF protection devices, water filters and what-have-you to optimize your health in an increasingly toxic world. While I truly feel most of these people are trustworthy, I simply can’t afford to buy all their products. So that leaves me with the conundrum of knowing tons of stuff, but not being able to do anything about it. The irony is that I’m probably doing more than I did 5 years ago, but as I knew less, I felt I had covered all the bases. This shows just how vast and varied the holistic palette is.
During my research, I found out that once provoked by mammos, biopsies, radiation, and surgery, cancer stem cells can pick up and move elsewhere in the body, more aggressive than ever. To the average oncologist, that 5th year anniversary (which I’m observing at this writing), means I’m in the free and clear. In reality, the risk of recurrence can be well after that. So while part of me feels that my cancer episode was just a bump in the road that’s far behind me now, another part of me keeps looking over my shoulder wondering if it’s going to catch up with me. It’s my daily tightrope act: trying to keep myself informed without poisoning myself from that very information.
Once again, I’m thankful that I have yet another person on “Team Jill” who’s keeping an eye out for any new cancer devlopments: my wonderful German thermographer. If you are unfamiliar with this non-invasive diagnostic procedure, then I strongly suggest looking into it. Not only is it quick and pain-free (no boob squishing!), it also detects abnormal blood vessel development, which is an early precursor to tumor development. So, you’re getting a heads up years before a mammogram- and without the radiation…which is now believed to actually cause breast cancer.
Allow me to digress and complain about the European Union. Why is it that I have to drive 3 1/2 hours to Germany to get tested by thermography? Why is such testing disparaged in France? Why is it that I have to pay out of pocket (almost 100 euros for a screening) when German health insurance covers this diagnostic for their citizens? What’s the point of the EU? A lot of my friends in the USA look enviously at France for its health coverage, and in many ways it is good, but what I’ve noticed over the past 20 years is a slow whittling down of our coverage and a push for certain Big-Pharma-approved procedures and medicines. In short, we’re becoming Americanized.
Once I got past that surreal spa-like honeymoon that culminated with my radiotherapy four months later, I had one final post-treatment visit with my gynecologist and was shown the door with my file. I’m not sure if she retired or she was just tired of me, but I felt I was pushed into no-man’s land.
Since then, I’ve managed to navigate on my own, using a mix of podcasts, docu-series, books, fortuitous encounters and my gut instinct to piece together a health protocol that will hopefully be the right one. The cancer club is far from exclusive, and its growing membership means that: 1) the well-funded “war against cancer” ISN’T working, and 2) more and more people are foregoing some or all of the conventional cancer treatments…and are sharing their results. Having a wider base of empirical knowledge gives us a more supportive, empowered community.
I look back fondly at these past five years. That holistic dentist is now a good friend of mine. My kids are very healthy eaters (Okay, my teenaged son still has a little work to do). I have learned to heal myself through meditation. I feel connected to my body, to nature, to life. I managed to thrive during these Covid years, with the ups far outweighing the downs (and even then, the downs were turned around to my advantage). I feel fulfilled and grateful.
I’ve heard over and over from cancer survivors that cancer is a gift. It’s that kick in the butt that some of us need to tweak our lives: to detox physically and emotionally, to take a leap, to get out of a rut. If we heed the call, we can bring about some amazing change, inspire and empower.
